Sitting on Both Sides of the IEP Table: What I Wish Every Team Understood 

by Dr. Staci Lorenzo Suits

As a school psychologist, I’ve participated in thousands of Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meetings. I’ve presented data, interpreted evaluation results, described academic and behavioral challenges, recommended supports, and helped navigate tough conversations. I believed I was being empathetic and supportive with families—until I found myself on the other side of the table. Sitting in the role of a parent, listening to the team discuss my child, everything felt different.

Despite my training and experience, I felt an unexpected wave of emotions—anxiety, protectiveness, and a deep desire to make sure my son was truly seen as more than his test scores and what was on the paperwork. In that moment, I gained a deeper understanding of why parents sometimes repeat questions, advocate fiercely for more support, or leave meetings feeling unheard—even when the team’s intentions are good.

Being on both sides of the table has given me a unique perspective on what works—and what doesn’t—in these meetings. Here are five things that I wish all school teams knew about making IEP meetings more collaborative, supportive, and meaningful for families.

Jargon Creates Distance—Speak to Connect, Not Impress

For school teams, acronyms like IEP, SLD, OHI, ASD, LRE, FAPE, and FBA—and terms such as eligibility, goals and objectives, transition plan, and progress monitoring—are part of everyday language. But for parents, this specialized terminology can be confusing and overwhelming. More importantly, using jargon can unintentionally reinforce a power imbalance, positioning school staff as the "experts" and leaving families feeling excluded or intimidated. To foster true collaboration, school teams should prioritize plain language and take time to explain terms that may not be familiar to those outside the education world.

Parent Engagement Is More Than a Signature on a Form

Laws governing special education require that parents be included throughout the IEP process, and schools are typically diligent in meeting those legal obligations. However, meaningful family engagement goes beyond compliance—it requires cultivating authentic relationships and true partnership. Research shows that parents are more satisfied with the IEP process when they feel genuinely connected to the school team—connection that is built through open communication, shared decision-making, mutual respect, and a collaborative, problem-solving approach (Slade et al., 2017). This is particularly important when working with culturally and linguistically diverse families, who may face additional barriers to feeling fully included (Rosetti et al., 2018). To foster these connections, educators must prioritize building trust and show that they see families as partners, not just participants—valuing them as people, not just cases.

Support the Whole Child, Not Just the Academic One

Students are more than their grades or test scores. Each child or adolescent brings a unique constellation of experiences, values, interests, cultural background, underlying health, cognitive and physical abilities, and social-emotional development to the learning environment. Parents want IEP teams to recognize this full picture—not to focus solely on academic performance. When educators adopt this whole-child perspective, they value each student’s need for connection, belonging, and affirmation within the school community. This approach emphasizes that every child holds inherent worth and the capacity for growth, regardless of their learning profile.

The IEP process provides a critical opportunity to reflect this holistic understanding. Conversations around goals, services, and supports should consider the child’s full identity—not just academic performance. When parents feel that their child is truly seen and valued as a whole person, they have more trust in the team’s recommendations. Viewing students holistically is not only foundational to meaningful academic progress, it also supports their overall well-being and long-term success (Tucker & Pape, 2022).

Highlighting Strengths Isn’t Optional—It’s Essential

While it’s difficult to admit, I have worked as a school psychologist since 1997 and did not encounter the concept of strength-based, neurodiversity-affirming practices until 2022. Looking back, I cringe at the 25 years I spent approaching students through a deficits-based lens. At the same time, I’m grateful for the growth and awareness I now have, and I often reflect on the quote attributed to Maya Angelou: “When you know better, you do better.” Strengths-based practices do not ignore or minimize a student’s areas of need. Instead, they take into account the student’s unique profile of strengths and use those assets to support areas of challenge. These practices also reframe skill gaps—not as deficits, but as signals that a student may need more time, instruction, or opportunity to build mastery. This shift in perspective fosters a more positive, proactive, and supportive approach, resulting in more appropriate and individualized recommendations and interventions (Climie & Henley, 2016).

To You, They're One of Many—To Us, They're Everything

Now that I’ve sat on both sides of the table, I understand that while I may be attending my tenth IEP meeting of the week, to the family members across the table from me, this is their only IEP meeting of the year. As a result, my approach has shifted - I now prioritize building relationships and empowering parents, rather than focusing on data and documentation. I make space for small, meaningful moments—like sharing a cute or funny anecdote about their child—to help parents know that their child is seen and valued. I begin and end with student strengths and express genuine care throughout.

It’s important for IEP teams to remember that families are not only processing complex information, but also navigating deep emotions. When we emphasize strengths, connection, collaboration, and the student’s full profile—not just academic needs and legal documentation—families leave the meeting feeling supported and hopeful rather than overwhelmed. And ultimately, that leads to better outcomes for the child.

References: 

Climie, E., & Henley, L. (2016). A renewed focus on strengths-based assessment in schools: Strengths-based assessment. British Journal of Special Education, 43(2). https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8578.12131

Rossetti, Z., Story Sauer, J., Bui, O., & Ou, S. (2018). Developing collaborative partnerships with culturally and linguistically diverse families during the IEP process. TEACHING Exceptional Children, 50(4), 172–182. https://doi.org/10.1177/0040059918758163

Slade, N., Eisenhower, A., Carter, A. S., & Blacher, J. (2017). Satisfaction With Individualized Education Programs Among Parents of Young Children With ASD. Exceptional Children, 84(3), 242-260. https://doi.org/10.1177/0014402917742923 (Original work published 2018)

Tucker, E., & Pape, B. (2022). A whole child, strengths-based approach to IEPs. Getting Smart. https://www.gettingsmart.com/2022/03/07/a-whole-child-strengths-based-approach-to-ieps/

This article was crafted by Dr. Staci Lorenzo Suits, an independent contributor engaged by CheckIT Labs, Inc. to provide insights on this topic.

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